Build Your Personal Coping Menu
Big idea: There's no single "right" coping tool. A personal coping menu is your own short list of what actually helps you, chosen in advance and ready when you need it.
This is a lightweight version of the protocol you design in Week 16: Protocol Design, and it fits alongside the Student Tools and Printables.
In a stressful moment it's hard to invent a good idea on the spot. A menu means you already decided — you just pick something, like grabbing from a snack list instead of staring into an empty fridge.
The six tool categories
A good menu pulls from different categories, because different moments need different tools.
- Quiet tools — grounding, naming three true things, sitting somewhere calm, drawing
- Movement tools — a walk, stretching, shaking out your hands
- Body tools — water, a snack, washing your face, muscle squeeze-and-release
- Thinking tools — fact vs. story, "What do I know for sure?"
- Connection tools — asking for help, sitting with someone, talking to a trusted adult
- Repair tools — "I'm sorry, I was overwhelmed," starting over, fixing what you can
Activity: Create your personal coping menu
| Category | My tool(s) |
|---|---|
| Quiet tools | |
| Movement tools | |
| Body tools | |
| Thinking tools | |
| Connection tools | |
| Repair tools |
Only list things you'd genuinely try. Write it on a card, draw it, or keep it in your head.
This menu is yours. Keep it private, share part of it, or show it to someone you trust who can help you use it. No one should make you read it out loud or hand it over.
Discussion questions
- Why might the same tool work for one person and not another?
- Which category is easiest to fill in? Which is hardest?
- When is a "connection tool" better than a "quiet tool"?
Try it this week
Use your menu once: when something knocks you off balance, pick one tool and try it. If it doesn't help, that's useful — try a different one next time.
- Do not force disclosure — offering to help is fine, demanding to see the menu is not.
- Help kids include options across categories so they're not relying on one tool.
- Revisit menus over time; favorite tools change as kids grow.
- Keep the framing on self-understanding and choice — never on becoming quiet or convenient for adults.